I started this day in an anticipatory mode. I've wanted to go visit a dear friend, but I came back from Florida with what I thought was an overdose of pollen, which it may have been, but the malady had an extra kick to it. I promptly went to my allergist, had a breathing treatment, and a new medication to decongest my chest...that was on Monday. By Friday, although I was feeling better, I went to my primary care physician who announced that I could carry this cough for up to a month. I did fill a prescription for cough syrup with an added bonus in it....and guess what....medicare does not cover, nor does my supplemental cover any kind of cough syrup for old people. Oh well, why bother. Pay for it and shut up.
Anyway, I was unable to visit with my friend today. It has put me in a funk.
My friend is very ill. I did not want to add to her misery by infecting her with anything I might have brought with me as Rob and I traversed the country from south to north. Perhaps this is God's way of making sure I am truly healthy before visiting. Be patient, Connee.
For the better part of my life, I have not been patient. I want things, situations, people when I want them. I have plans. Doesn't everyone? I am willing to accomodate another's plan. I welcome it. Plans make me feel in control; like perhaps the Universe isn't random. The Universe doesn't look random. It looks wonderfully organized, well, until a meteror comes whirling out of space and hits the earth. Was that random or was it planned?
Plans help me feel like there is purpose. Of course, that's the purpose of a plan, right? Anyway, I'm feeling a bit like a meteror right now, certainly, no longer anticipatory. Instead, I am whirling around from one project to the next, bumping it slightly, veering onto a different path...unsettled. Writing slows me down a bit.